Moving Away

Oh, the bittersweetness that is moving away from where you grew up! This run from the middle of January to the end of May will be the longest period of time that I will spend away from Indiana and, thus, my family. Articulating my ambivalence (and I use ambivalence very loosely for I love my life in Austin) about this experience is incredibly hard to do. Articulating the origination of my motivations to do this is even harder. How is it that I out of my entire immediate family (mom, dad, step-mom, and 8 siblings) am the only one not living in the Greater Indianapolis Area? Going even a step further, how am I one of only 4 people (2 living in Chicago) on my Mom's side of the family (2 grandparents, 9 aunts and uncles, 26 grandchildren) to not live in Indiana?

It seems to me the most reoccurring reason people give when talking about why they want to live in (or relatively close to) the place they grew up or where their parents live is because they love their family. Can you gauge the amount of love one has for their family by the proximity to how close you live to them? No! If that was the case I'd be in my Mother's womb!(yes, another vomit inducing moment) So, what is it then that makes me different? Honestly, I'm not looking for an answer, but I still like to think about it.

I once took a personality test that told me that at my darkest moments I feel guilt. Perhaps, this is one of those moments. But it is so bright and sunny outside!